Mrs. Wheel aka little chicken (kuratenko)

Lets call her Mrs K. She is maybe 65 years old. She has been working in the company for more that 40 years.

She knows and remembers everything. Which is good, because she likes to share her knowledge ( aka gossip)

She weighs maybe 45 kg, has hair like from 80s (-she is curling it every morning)

She wears make up and mascara and shadows and lipstick....she buys it in a china shop for 1 Euro each. (when they have a good price she can get both for 1 Euro:)

She buys everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in a sale. If you need to buy something cheap, go to Mrs. W.

Just a few days ago, she bought a flat-iron for 4,99 Euro. Well, she didn't really need it, but in her own words - you must be an idiot not to buy it for THAT!!! price.

She loves to eat. Everything - cakes, yogurt, pigs tongue special made, puddings, cheese, chocolate, bacon, sausages, ...
And she eats a lot - at home around 7 in the morning - breakfast, at work around 8 - 2nd breakfast. At around 9,30 - sweets and coffee, at 10,00 - yogurt, at 11,30 - lunch. Then she goes home and has a second lunch... Then I don't know what... but I think you get the pattern:)

She has a special way how to talk to boss.

To him - Oh, that was a wonderful idea, how clever of you *wink*wink*

After she leaves his office - Go to the hell, you motherf***r (OH YES, I am using her own words:)))

And one more thing - her love to the plants

She always says when she waters them - if they don't like it, they can f**k themselves.

Just to illustrate - she waters them with old coffee, rotten tea, rotten milk, coke, green Nestea, water, that was left from cooking sausages, fanta....

And one last thing - why I like the old lady(if you can call her that):

Today when I came to the office, I heard sounds like someone was shaking a tree... And indeed... Mrs. W. was shaking a tree... With a stick!!! ;)

Vincov sloh o Kysuciach ;)

Toto je sloh, ktorý odovzdal jeden mladý muž ako príspevok do súťaže. Prepis je originálny aj s chybami:))

Dvere!Otvoril som ich asi tisícikrát a pozrel som na chudobnú krajinu.Kysuce sú plné vandalov a výtržníkov.Neni im pomoci.

Na Kysuciach žijú rôznorodý ľudia.Jedna ulica poskytuje domov iným členom a tí ničia mesto s bohatou históriou.V zákutiach tochto pochmúrneho mesta sa obchoduje s omamnými látkami.Tento obchod prekvitá ako fialky na cintoríne.Deti nemajú čo robiť a tak sú ich úmysly zradné.Na uliciach stojí kopa mladistvých s nožíkmi v ruke.Radikáli z východnej sekty, ktorú nemôžem menovať, lebo by si ma našli.Táto sekta čistí mesto od nevhodných ľudí.Bezdomovci nemajú moderné zbrane a tak stále ostávajú v defenzíve.Ľudia platia dane a aj tak sa musia báť o svoje krky.Hlad je tu!Ešte tu však je jedna šanca.Postaviť nové športoviská aby ľudia mali čo robiť.Ľudom treba dať nádej, ktorú zúfalo tento utláčaný ľud na severe slovenska potrebuje.Bojím sa o osud tochto mesta.Budovy sú tu staré, ešte z obdobia komunizmu.Odpadky sa váľajú po uliciach a nik sa nenájde kto by ich popratal.Lenivosť je problémom Kysučana.Začnime konať a toto mesto znovu ožije.Bude tu poriadok, ktorý býval za čias našich starých otcov.
Takže ideme na to!

A phone conversation

Here is a complete (word to word) conversation between me and one of my colleagues.
She is around 35 (+/-3 years), she looks like a deer caught in the lights of a car. I don't want to write she is dumb... ok I DO want to write she is dumb... but in a way that you want to give her a cookie and tell her to go and play with the other kids.

Just to be clear, thanks god it was a phone conversation...

Me: hello Mrs Deer colleague( hereinafter - yes I spent last two days translating agreements to English- DC)

DC: hello?

Me: Jana calling, I was told you called me.

DC: Who is there?

Me: Jana from Mr. Dvorecky

DC: WHO???

Me: JANAAAAA from upstairs!!!!

DC: WHOOOO?????

Me: *looking blankly at the wall and counting to 10*

DC: *after 10 more seconds - I know, I was counting, remember:))* Oooooooh JANKA, hello, what do you need?

Me: You called me?

DC: GEEEE RIIIIGHT, I did...

Me: *waiting*

*still waiting*

Then I guessed: Was is because of the price calculation?

DC: What?

Me: The price calculation...

DC: Yes, what is wrong with it?

Me: Nothing, just why did you call me?

DC: Because of the price calculation.

Me: *almost broke a pencil* Yeees? Are you doing it?

DC: What?

Me: THE PRICE CALCULATION!!!!!!!

DC: Are you?

Me: No, not yet...

DC: Do you want to?

Me: If you are not doing it, someone has to...

DC: But do you want to do it?

Me: If you are not, I will have to...

DC: Well, in fact I have done it already... Kind of...

Me: KIND OF???

DC: weeeeell it is done...

ME: So why did you call me?

DC: To find out if you want to do it....

Me: But it was already done, right...

DC: weeeell, yes...

Me: *almost crying from frustration* Geee, Mrs DC, you are wonderful, that you did the calculation, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH... Have a nice weekend (and in an ideal world a nice rest of your life....MUAHAHAHAAAAAA)

DC: you are just being nice

me: DUUUUUUUUUUH

DC: Bye Jankaaaa

Me: *doing a happy dance*


Can I PLEASE go home, before she calls me again???

Excuses

I am finishing ( or at least I am trying to) one tender. It is a tiny little one.

The thing is, I am trying to do it already for a week

Today is the last day to do it, and people are excusing to me all the time.

Here are some excuses:

1. Sorry, I lost the little paper with your mail address.

2. I was driving, i couldn't call you ( for a week!!!!)

3. We are having an important meeting (again for a WEEK)

4. I am in a stock room ( geee, not again, for a WEEK????)

5. My computer broke.

6. The are flying somewhere around, you cant expect me to go and catch them ????(pilots, who need the stuff)

7. I don't know, I am new here (classic)

8. I don't know, he is on holiday

9. I don't know, we fired someone, and he left everything messy...

10. I couldn't have sent you that... GEEE really, I DID, what a shame.... Well, I didn't mean it...

The last one is the best... So could someone please tell me, how do you work with these ladies???

Arty Duck

I am right now in the middle of my post about friendship. But I am too pissed off to write nicely, so I will post a little story instead:)

And I wanted to brag about my new Arty duck as well.

(See below)



Anyway, Story :

A thief

Today we had a thief in my company. (I am not going to write which one, everyone knows anyway:)) I am just trying to be mysterious...)

Well maybe he wasn't a real thief, he was just a guy standing around in the hall, waiting for a mysterious unknown colleague. (OK he was a thief, it is just we cannot prove it)

OK OK I admit, the fact we had an unknown guy isn't really entertaining.

But what is, is that in next 20 minutes since we found out he was inside, almost every employee went ACCIDENTALLY around. (OK they went to see him:)))

You may now wonder, whether I did go to see him ACCIDENTALLY... I didn't. I accidentally (I swear!!!!) saw him before I knew he was a thief:)

And why didn't we go and threw him up? Well I asked our receptionist ( you know, how receptionists are usually pretty, young and nice - well not in ***** s.r.o. ( I am SUPER secret agent:). We have a 55 years, well she is not technically ugly, you know:) and definitely NOT nice lady... erhm woman.... erhm whatever...)

She looked at me blankly and told me: Well, he was waiting for someone. DUH.

Isn't the rubber duck wonderful? :)))