and I am feeling blue

Its Monday night.

Half past ten.

I am home. Just me.

Haven't seen my boyfriend for 3 days...

Hasn't called, texted, emailed, nothing, nada, zilch...

Last 4 hours of my time were spent waiting for him.

Pathetic you say? Yes, maybe a little.

Did we have a fight? No. He just doesn't care.

No, let me rephrase...he just doesn't care enough...

I agree, that I am probably being a drama queen, but lately I am asking myself, is it worth it?

The hours spent waiting, worrying, pleading, asking, demanding, explaining, looking at the wall during night, hiding the tears or crying silently to the pillow?

If not, when is the time to declare defeat, minimize losses and move on?

To look for someone else, who will care... To find someone, to hand you a Kleenex and let you hug him instead of the pillow even at 3 a.m., to bring you flowers, just because, to... (okay I let myself loose a little:)

And it is worth it, shouldn't it feel a little different?

Happier maybe?

I am just getting started.

My name is Sophie. Sophie Cruz.

I am blonde, blue eyed crazy person, who is by a chance a woman/girl/female - pick whatever suits you- and I have decided to write a novel.

Yes, you heard me.

I will write a novel.

SOON.

Probably not too soon, since I know almost nothing about writing novels, or writing anything to be more precise.

But you can bet, I am going to fing out!

Everyday life

I am sitting in my office and wondering how are you supposed to do it???

I mean the everyday life. The "wake up, go to work, go back from work, clean, cook, eat, shower, tv, sleep" kind of routine?

Well I realized I am not doing it very well. I just cant seem to cope with it.

I read on facebook that one of my ex schoolmates is leaving to study in Coppenhagen or where...


It seems I am not prepared for the adult life...

I get a nostalgic feeling looking at pictures from abroad my friends took...

I feel like packing a big suitcase and moving to Africa or Fidzi or Australia or

or climbing a mountain, shopping in NY, studying spanish in Madrid, clibbing at Ibiza, meeting new people, seeing new places, swimming in foreign waters!

But then again I peek to every baby roller I see, I watch cooking programmes, I seem to like gardening, quiet evenings and cats...

It seems I have it all figured out:))

or NOT?

All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while, wondering if somewhere, somehow there is someone searching for us...

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Theory of relativity

everything is relative.

You may think that you have the best spot in the sun, when you suddenly see there is a better one near by. But also when you think, it just can´t get worse, it does. Get worse, I mean.

And in my case, it USUALLY gets worse.

I have to managers - guys... Well I have Klara as well - but she is the sane one (at least I hope:)

I have vtacik and that bastard (sorry, he really is a bastard)

Now what pains me the most is that in the beginnings my sentiments were totally different.

I thought much better things about B, who in fact is the devil himself:)) (He shouts even more than vtacik and I thought that it is humanly impossible:))

B is a bad person, I mean BAAD person. He doesnt seem to care about anyone but himself, is arrogant, mean, selfish and cocky... extremly cocky.

But hey, that is the real world for me... Although the falling from the stars was painfull:))

Why I read romance novels

I have never met a woman who hasn't read a romance novel at least once. I am talking about historical , funny, smart , Bridget Jones like, diaries, even sci fi or fantasy ones.

I have to admit I like them. I know it is not what people usually say they read - well lets be honest - it isn't the most intelligent reading in the world:))

If they ask you a question at a job interview: what is your favourite book, would you answer - about vampires???

Most of the people usually don't, but I DID. They didn't get the job, I got an offer:) Which I declined afterwards, but that is a different story:)

Don't get me wrong I really sincerely love the books, they usually name - stuff like Dan Brown, economic stuff, Hemingway, Remarque (blah blah blah), I have read most of them, but I do not believe they even read one of them except when at school.

The fact is, that romance books in any form are up to 25% of all books sold. Every 4th book is romance!!!

Now we get to the point WHY. After 8-10 hours at work, all a woman wants to do is relax, turn off the brain and just exist in a happy bubble. Trust me, I know what I am talking about:))

Women usually love happy endings... Of course a little drama, shouting and action don't hurt, but we really truly love romance and the happily ever afters.

It is said that historical romance is the worst kind of this genre. But the reason women like it (or at least I do) is that it is easier to believe it could have been true.

...in THAT time women might have been lovely, courageous, independent (kind of), smart, funny, witty, strong ... and even if the men were assholes, they would change in the end because of the love they felt...

In the end they always came back and did the right thing.

It is nice to believe that at least someone can have a truly happy ending forever...

Even if you can believe it only as long as you are reading the book...

PS: The sex scenes are quite funny too:)